y sister's hat and her gun is a-hangin' up on the coat rack. She's the only cowboy in the family. We were both given these OUTFITS at the same time, naturally, to avoid MURDER, but I'm not interested in wearing a pistol, my MINERAL HAMMER gives me a much mightier feeling. But even on a hot day you'll see Julie going around the neighborhood on her tricycle, in her red cowboy hat, boots and holster, with only her weird worn-out pajama bottoms on. She watches cowboy shows on tv but I don't, I LEAVE THE ROOM. It's so unScientific. It's hot and dusty, it looks uncomfortable, not HEROIC. They don't travel fast enough. I hate the muffled noise of the horses' hooves when they gallop on soft earth, which is right around here anyway, it's not the OLD WEST, what a joke. Cowboys seem stupid, they always have to CATCH someone. They're always bursting in when it's too late. Their gun belts look stupid. There's never anything exciting at the end, it's always just Say, where's that roan got to, Pablo? and Well, okay, thanks a heap, they don't say partner like you thought I was a-goin' to there. The way they talk is stupid, it's like waiting for Grandfather to finish a sentence. So SLOW. The bad guys all have the same mustache, the furniture is ugly, you can see airplanes and telephone wires all over the place. They treat Mexicans like crap, they treat Indians like crap, they treat their own horse like crap, cattle like crap, girls crap. I think the only thing cowboys like is their PANTS. The music is really stupid. When the camera's alongside a stagecoach the wheels do that thing where they look like they're running backwards, which makes you SICK. There's really stupid kissing where they kiss and then the cowboy grabs the girl by the upper arms, to show he's good even though he just licked her nose and mouth without warning, and then she has to look up at him and say Oh Jimmy, do you think you CAN save Dad's cattle? He can only get a kiss, eccch, if he's going to do some stupid cowboy chore. I'd rather watch a month of war pictures than the stupid cowboys ever again.